If you’re going through a dealing with your divorce right now, you already know it sucks. It’s messy, it hurts, and some days you probably don’t even want to get out of bed. However, it doesn’t have to destroy you. There are things you can do to make it less of a nightmare. Not easy, just… less terrible. And sometimes that’s enough.
Strategies for dealing with your divorce smoothly
➤ Let’s Talk About the Emotional Mess First
Here’s what nobody tells you: you’re going to feel everything all at once. Mad at your ex one minute, sad about what you’re losing the next, then weirdly relieved five minutes later. Sometimes all three before you’ve even finished your morning coffee. That’s normal. Actually, it’s more than usual, and it’s pretty much guaranteed.
Don’t try to tough it out or act like you’re fine when you’re clearly not. Instead, you should consider finding support and help. Therapy isn’t just for people who are “really struggling.” It’s
for anyone dealing with significant life changes. Think of it like hiring a mechanic when your car makes a weird noise; you could ignore it, but that usually makes things worse. Same deal here.
And journals? It sounds like something your aunt would suggest, but getting all that chaos out of your head and onto paper helps more than you’d think. You don’t have to be eloquent or make sense. Just write whatever’s bouncing around in there.
Find people who’ve been through this. Not your married friends who mean well but can’t really get it—people who actually know what it feels like. Support groups exist for a reason, and they’re not as depressing as TV makes them look.
Most importantly: stop putting a timeline on yourself. This isn’t something you “get over” in three months or six months or whatever arbitrary deadline you’ve set. You heal when you heal. That’s it.
➤ Talking to Your Ex Without Losing Your Mind
The last person you want to talk to right now is probably your ex. But unless you’re planning to communicate entirely through lawyers (which gets expensive real fast), you’ll need to have some conversations.
Here’s what works: stick to the facts. Think of it like a business meeting, not a therapy session. You’re not there to rehash who said what at that party in 2019 or why they never appreciated you. You’re there to figure out who gets the couch and where the kids spend their weekends.
Set some ground rules. No texting after 9 pm. All communication happens via email, so there’s a record. You could meet in public places so nobody starts throwing things. Whatever keeps things from spiraling.
And if you genuinely can’t be in the same room without it turning into a mess, what do you do? That’s what mediators are for. They’re like referees, except instead of sports, they’re refereeing your life. Not glamorous, but effective.
➤ Get the Right People in Your Corner
You need a lawyer. It doesn’t matter if dealing with your divorce is “friendly” or “amicable” or whatever word you’re using to convince yourself you don’t need one. You need a lawyer. They’re not there to make things worse; they’re there to make sure you don’t accidentally agree to something that screws you over later.
Mediators are worth considering if you and your ex can still be reasonable with each other. They’re cheaper than dragging things through court, and you get more say in how things turn out. Win-win.
Financial advisors are also clutch, especially if you have any kind of assets, retirement accounts, or investments. Dividing money is complicated, and one wrong move can cost you way more than whatever you pay the advisor.
➤ If You Have Kids, Read This Part
Your kids are not your therapists. They’re already dealing with their entire world changing—they don’t need to know that daddy’s new girlfriend is “that woman” or that mommy’s lawyer thinks your ex is being unreasonable. Keep them out of it.
Make a co-parenting plan and stick to it. Who has the kids when? Who handles school stuff? What happens on birthdays and holidays? Write it down. Be specific. This prevents so many arguments down the road.
And yeah, it’s weird coordinating with someone you’re divorcing. But your kids need stability right now more than you need to prove a point. Show up. Be consistent. Don’t use them as pawns. Be the adult, even when you don’t feel like it.
Oh, and let people help. If your mom wants to babysit so you can have a minute to yourself, let her. You don’t get bonus points for struggling alone.
➤ Wait, What About the Dog?
If you’ve got a dog or cat or parrot or whatever, this is one of the more challenging conversations you’ll have. Because, unlike the coffee maker, your pet isn’t just property. They’re family.
You can work something out between yourselves, great. Shared custody, alternating weeks, whatever makes sense for your situation and for the animal. But if you can’t agree? Yeah, there is actually a dog lawyer who specializes in this stuff. They’re called pet custody attorneys, and they can help figure out arrangements that work for everyone—including the pet.
It might feel ridiculous to lawyer up over a goldendoodle, but if it matters to you, it matters. Don’t let anyone make you feel dumb about that.
➤ Money Stuff (The Part Everyone Hates)
Okay, real talk: dividing finances during a dealing with your divorce is about as fun as a root canal. But it’s got to be done, and putting it off only makes it worse.
First, figure out what you actually have. Make a list—bank accounts, retirement funds, the house, cars, credit card debt, student loans, all of it. You can’t divide things fairly if you don’t know what’s on the table.
Then talk to someone who knows what they’re doing. A financial advisor can walk you through what’s fair, what you need to watch out for, and how to set yourself up for whatever comes next. They can also tell you if that settlement offer from your ex is actually reasonable or total garbage.
And start thinking about your budget as a single person. What do you actually need to live? What can you afford? It’s not the most exciting homework, but in the future, you will be grateful you did it.
➤ What Comes After?
Dealing with your divorce isn’t the end of your story. It’s just the end of this chapter. And yeah, that chapter might have been bad, but that doesn’t mean the next one will.
This is your chance to figure out who you are outside of that relationship. What do you actually like doing? What have you been putting off because it wasn’t “practical” or something like that? Now’s the time.
You could take up painting. Perhaps you’ll finally go on that trip. You may spend six months eating cereal for dinner and watching true crime documentaries, and you know what? That’s fine too. There’s no right way to rebuild your life.
Permit yourself to be excited about what’s coming, even if you’re also scared, sad, or confused. All those feelings can exist at the same time. You’re allowed to grieve what you lost and look forward to what’s next.
Final Thoughts
Nobody gets married planning to get divorced. But here you are, and you’ve got to dealing with your divorce. The good news? You can get through this without completely falling apart. Take care of yourself, don’t try to fight every battle, bring in professionals when you need them, and keep your eyes on what actually matters.
